I have a two-year-old daughter who watches Disney Jr. pretty much all-day long. Now before all the hater moms jump on me and say “well that’s too much TV time” keep in mind the TV is on in the background while she jumps around playing with her toys, reading books and completely terrorizing the house. Also keep in mind I really don’t care about your opinion on TV time for my child.
Never the less I do listen to a lot of Disney Junior shows, mainly four shows on rotation that I’ll list for parents and non-parents now:
|Micky Mouse Club House||Mickey Mouse talks about shapes and colors|
|Mickey and the Roadster Racers||Mickey drives race cars and eats hot dogs|
|Puppy Dog Pals||Two dogs go on adventures|
|Vampirina||Vampire girl moves & makes human friends|
Even though I am not watching these shows because I want to, I watch them because they’re on. Naturally, as an adult I have some questions that a two-year-old wouldn’t think to wonder about.
- Why does Mickey Mouse have a pet dog that only barks but also has a dog best friend who speaks full English (Goofy)? I understand that this pairing has been around for a while, but I can’t help to think about this dynamic more now that it is in front of my face often. When the animators and writers came up with this concept did they do this on purpose? Was it something they didn’t think about? Or did they just think, "kids won’t notice it so why worry?" It keeps going too: Minnie has a pet cat, Goofy has a pet bunny, Pete (the cat) has a pet dog. It's just an observation that as an adult makes me say “hmmmmm”.
- Why are hot dogs such a huge part of both Mickey shows?! At the end of every single Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show, when they finish their tasks for the day, they do the ‘hotdog dance’ which is basically them just singing and dancing goodbye. When Mickey has a moment of realization he says “hot dog”! In Mickey and the Roadster Racers they live in HotDog Hills, they have the hot dog diner, goofy has a food truck where all he sells are hot dogs and pie, the Queen of England visits and she brings hot dogs to eat with Mickey and his friends, the candy is hot dog flavored, they have a hot dog drive in, hot dog piñatas at parties…I mean I could keep going there are so many hot dog references. WHY? Was Walt Disney obsessed with hot dogs? Why can’t they ever eat anything else besides hot dogs?
- Puppy Dog Pals...O.M.G. Okay this show was created by and stars the voice of Harland Williams, if you don’t know who that is remember the policeman who pulls over Harry and Lloyd in Dumb & Dumber and drinks the beer bottle of piss, its him! So, he creates this show about two pug dogs Bingo & Rollie who go on these daily adventures. Bingo & Rollie also have a cat sister Hissy, and a robot dog brother named ARF. The owner of these animals (Harland Williams) character name Bob, is an inventor and goes to work every day after something happens to make him upset in the morning. The show then continues with Bingo & Rollie going on adventures to fix whatever happened to Bob that day. In general, the show is cute; the sing, they run around, they meet new friends during their missions trying to help Bob with his obvious first world problems.
Which brings me to my question…why is Bob such a BITCH?! Here are some of Bobs problems that Bingo & Rollie try to fix:
- He runs out of bread and can’t make French toast before work.
- He forgot to mail his mom her Mother’s Day card.
- His sister can’t make it to the ballgame he has tickets for that weekend.
- He can’t get a ticket for a musical he wants to see because they are sold out.
- He misses the way the sand at the beach feels on his toes.
- His puzzle is missing a piece.
- He loses his fishing pole.
- He wants something of his hung at the Louvre in Paris.
Really? The show could still be cute without Bobs continuous whining about bullshit! The dogs could go on adventures of all kinds and the show would be adorable. Instead, I must watch this dude bitch about how he’s an idiot and can’t handle his life living in his two-story brick walk up with his vaulted ceilings and big screen TV’s. GO BUY BREAD BOB!! Quit teaching my kid to bitch about things that are so easily fixed with a little effort.
4. Vampirina! First the theme song is quite catchy, my daughter sings it all the time. The premise of the show is that a vampire family moves from Transylvania to Pennsylvania and the family needs to fit in with the humans and make sure they don’t figure out they are vampires. They are OBVIOUSLY vampires! They’re blue skinned with fangs, the daughter has bat wings for pig tails and they talk like your typical Dracula. In the first episode Vampirina’s new friend sees her turn into a bat so she must tell her she’s a vampire and then ends up telling her other friend as well, so right off the bat two people know. They also have a pet dog who turns into a werewolf when he drinks milk, a house ghost, a gargoyle friend, and a skeleton chef. You would think they would keep a low profile but no, the mom decides she wants to turn the house into a bed & breakfast. They are literally inviting people in the house and letting them stay the night, the same people who can’t for any reason find out they’re vampires. My burning question is this…why can’t they find out? In the show they do not, I repeat DO NOT drink blood! They have all the normal vampire traits, but they don’t drink blood. Why can’t people know?! What is going to happen if people find out? The show is about inclusion and accepting those who are different, and I love that they are teaching my daughter that concept. But there is absolutely no logical reason they need to hide the fact that they are vampires.
If you feel so inclined, you can watch any of these shows on Disney Junior or the Disney Junior Appisodes! You will likely think of more burning questions but remember to tell yourself these are kid shows and they aren’t really paying that much attention to detail when watching.
I recently watched some of the shows I use to watch as a child and here is the breakdown:
- Turtles who fight crime and have a rat for a father.
- A duck who wears a cape and fights crime.
- A bear who flies a plane.
- A bunch of babies basically being watched by their 4-year-old cousin.
- A boy with a football shaped head.
- Two mice plotting to take over the world.
- An entire class who traveled the digestive system on a school bus.
- A bunch of kids who form their own society on and governmental system during recess.
Have any burning questions relating to shows you watch with your kids? Leave them in the comments below.